Dear Spaghetti Coder

Dear Spaghetti Coder

Dear Spaghetti Coder,

I grasp that you can’t be bothered with declaring your allegiance, once and for all, to a particular brace style. I know you like to “mix it up”.

I understand your need to never delete anything and instead leave in long blocks of old, unusable, commented-out code. You never know when you might need it.

I realize that there is never time to make real comments in your code, particularly anywhere near your numerous long, difficult switch cases. It’s not your fault you had to hard-code all those strings.

I know you must be clever since you use so many inexplicable, often funny, variable names. You’re such a show off.

I see that you keep re-writing the same unoptimized, two-to-four-banger nested loop functions over and over again instead of wrapping them all into a single, elegant function. You like to flex your muscles.

I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt bad by the Tab key. You’re appropriately working out this issue in your code instead of paying for expensive therapy.

And I grok your single-minded desire to arrange your code in such an arbitrary fashion that we get to Treasure-Hunt our way through your gamified tome. It must give you endless hours of DungeonMaster-like pleasure.

He Who Must Fix All Your Crap And Make It Actually Work

P.S. I think you should consider a move into management. No, really.